jaded justification

2009-02-23T21:45:00.001-08:00

I've moved!

because everyone else is!

You can find me here! With a lot less !!

http://sunshinetimebomb.blogspot.com/

<3

2009-02-11T16:00:00.000-08:00

iiiiiii'm updating!

does melyssa still read this and just doesn't comment? cuz i only get comments from em? not complaining just wondering.

p.s. her finger is gnarly. wow.

and kylan is SO DAMN CUTE.

okay. anyway.

so i've been debating back in forth between these two boys scott and thomas. i originally was all about the thomas but then scott came into my life and now im pretty sure i'm sticking with him. plus thomas isn't giving me the time of day and scott's being a total sweetheart.

like last night for example

(yes its cute gross stuff. shut up.)

i fell asleep while on video chat. except its not really video chat cuz he can only see me cuz he has no webcam buuut i can hear him. and he just plays music and we IM. and dear god does the boy have amazing taste in music. he's expanding my own tastebuds which is kinda the point. and im loving it of course.

so i fall asleep (accidently) and while that might be obnoxious or just a whatever situation for some instead i wake up to this the following morning:

4:20 AM
scott:I should get going, its 4:20. I'm sure your dreams are wonderful. I've played only the best songs for your unconscious. So I end it with the Beatles "Good Night".
Continue dreaming, beautiful. :]

i think he's a keeper.

we're gonna go see coraline this weekend and possibly start watching the first season of 24 which i've never seen and he is absolutely obssessed with. pictures soon if you want one.

love, love, love

<3

2009-01-30T11:41:00.000-08:00

screw both of you for never updating like me :D

life's pretty boring.

only updating cuz i got into the vagina monolouges

and im demanding you come see it :D

that kid of yours is real cute. i miss him

aaaand you guys. duh.

<3

2008-10-29T21:33:00.000-07:00

So its been like a month and i figured i'd update :D

parents took the news unusually well. I'm moving home in December.

Nate and i are on a break kinda.

blllaaaaaah

i'm just too busy and stressed out and overwhelmed to be in a relationship right now

and we both need to get our lives together

but we're not seeing other people

just taking time to breathe.

school is so painful to sit through

i'm so anxious to get out of here

and i'm depressed

i'm not sure if its my surroundings or me actually like trying to figure my life out.

but i'm really stressed out

and just lots of bad feelings

sssoooo i'm gonna start seeing a therapist on campus prolly.

i'm really tired like all the time

but whatev.

i'm working a lot. and when i'm not working i'm in class.

and when i'm not doing either...i'm drinking.

which is probably something you should be concerned about

cuz i am

so i think i'll lay off it for a while

my kidneys are all fucked up

its either a kidney infection, kidney stones or hemmoroids.

but they dont' know which one.

and there's no way for them to tell apparently.

its just kinda a dull achy pain constantly

sometimes it gets worse

its mostly just uncomfortable tho.

sooooo

i think thats everything?

i'm SO EXCITED FOR THANKSGIVING!!!!!

<3

2008-09-29T00:23:00.001-07:00

please please PLEASE tell me that was you who wrote in my truth box?!?

p.s. haven't told the parents about the school plan yet...

...or the dent in my car...

:D

<3

2008-09-23T01:40:00.000-07:00

iiiii suck at updating.

i'd say there's nothing exciting to update about buuuut thats a lie.

and i know that as two new mums you're NOT gonna be happy about some of this.

but lets keep in mind i'm in one piece, i'm healthy and mentally stable too

so no harm no foul right?

right. like that'll work.

so this summer basically considered of hanging out with nate and going to the gym.

i lost like 5 whole pounds going to the gym for 5 days a week for about an hour.

lame!

however i ate increadibly unhealthy lol

umm lets just get it out there. i did drugs this summer. obviously.

ecstasy a couple times. fun but not really something i wanna really DO.

smoked a lot of weed, continuing to do that ocassionally on the weekends.

tried shrooms twice, had horrible trips both times and hated it.

this past weekend i tried acid and actually had a lot of fun once i got used to the sensation. but i don't EVER want to do it again. im not sure i like where my mind went.

and of course alcohol.

now that i'm back at school i'm...miserable. i hate it here.

i miss nate, ive been down to visit him twice already

i only have class tuesday thursday so i'm working a lot

which of course sucks.

i'm gonna take next semester off, work and save up money

apply to UCI and Long Beach. Maybe Fullerton.

i wanna be closer to home, i'm extremely homesick

and my nephew is SO FUCKING CUTE!! i wanna meeeeeet him.

okay. i'm done. go ahead and start the scolding. :]

p.s. i quit smoking. for realsies. thats good at least?

<3

2008-07-08T13:03:00.000-07:00

I SUCK AT UPDATING!

sorry!

okay sooo i'm back home

i'm together with nate

life's pretty damn good

my birthday was RIDICULOUS

haha

okay so the day SUCKED because of erica's wedding rehearsal dinner

i was running around the whole time

and my dad woke me up at like 8 in the morning

and we got into a full blown arguement about whether or not it was my birthday.

He didn't believe me that it was. grrr.

they forgot to bake a cake for me so they bought one

just a bunch of small stuff adding up to feeling like they didn't give a shit

and i KNOW that it was the day before erica's wedding and stuff

but it still sucked.

so nate said why don't you spend the night and i'll make it better

which is always a good offer :D

so i went to his place and we went and got more x ( i know, i know)

we each took two and just chilled at his house (which mind you is much safer than a rave!)

we played pool, watched movies, swam in his pool and just goofed around all night

it was SO much fun, and really what i needed for the night

things have been wonderful with him..he just gave me a massage the other night using oils that warm up or whatever

everytime i kiss him on the cheek or hand or where ever he smiles and says thank you

mushy mushy mushy

i'm happy :]

and bragging to everyone about my BEAUTIFUL new nephew :]

<3

2008-06-14T13:09:00.001-07:00

so i was thinking about this randomly the other day

and if i don't get a text from melyssa when em goes into labor i'm going to be EXTREMELY upset. just so you know whats expected. :D

life's going pretty mediocre lately

i put my two weeks in at work cuz i decided to go home for the summer, i'm just not happy here and i can feel myself slipping into my not happy place so i'm hoping a summer at home will help.

plus nate's there and the rent's free :]

but they said i could have my job back when i return in august so thats good!

tony's being a total douche. but then again i suppose thats just him adjusting to being hte ex boyfriend phase. He still hasn't grasped he's not my boyfriend anymore i don't think but whatever. We're trying to be friends....he's failing :D

i've been really sick the past couple days. Started with sore throat and then i was up puking all night on wednesday? i think? anyway the puking's stopped by my throat is ridiculously sore. i have big goops of mucus everywhere and a constant headache

excederin i've found is a FANTASTIC magical cure.

and i've been feeling less like my head is all clogged up. my brain's working right again :]

hung out with some friends last night and got high. and before you even THINK anything i haven't smoked since like march and i hated it then and i still hate it now. I thought maybe it'd be okay but no. i'm just uncomfortable high and i really hate it lol whateve!

so my last day is like the 23rd and then i'm home! hurrah!

<3

2008-06-05T20:39:00.000-07:00

HO. LEE. CRAP.

i have so very much to tell you!

where to staaaart....

tony, HPV boy from work/firefighter (trying to make things clearer for you Melys :] )and i broke up. miiiight be getting back together but i'm not really feeling it. He's more drama than ME and thats saying something.

This past weekend was INSANE!
and SO MUCH FUN!

so i drove home because its Nate's birthday this weekend and i had work off anyway so i figured why the hell not.

Got off work Friday night at 11, drove 6 hours home and got to Nate's around 4:30 A.M.

then had hello nice to see you again sex until around 6 in the morning because he'd been sleeping and i was too tired to care :P plus i mean hello! sex is good!

OH i should add in tony was being a total girl and was never in the mood and frankly when you go from lots of sex to not being in the mood it doesn't work for me. So nate was a welcome change.

So sleep sometime between 6 and 7.

10:30-11 with not that much sleep in me i get woken up but a ski masked very large person who has a very large knife on my face whispering don't move. Nate's not in bed next to me and after the initial why the fuck am i awake and so rudely shock I look at my "attacker" and say John leave me the fuck alone i'm sleeping. The reply i got was but i haven't seen you in almost a year! MIND YOU I'M IN MY BRA AND PANTIES AND THERE'S NOT MUCH TO THEM. but whateve.

so after i try going back to sleep, it doesn't work, so i throw nate's shorts on and my shirt and frolic downstairs. to find Nate and John (John is Nate's best friend btw) downstairs.

The rest of the day involves preparing for that night, them smoking weed (I'm not a fan) and just chillin, hanging out.

What we did that night

(Please be sitting down and don't get angry :D )

We went to a rave (my first time!) and we were all on E (my first time!)

I WAS TOTALLY SAFE! DON"T BOTHER!

I only took one pill, i asked a couple of friends who have done it if they thought it'd be fun, if they thought i should, how much i should take, etc.

and can i just tell you i had a BLAST. definitely not something i wanna do a LOT because its like ice cream scoops out of the brain they tell me but on special occasions. TOO MUCH FUN. and really, a great way to celebrate Nate and John's birthdays.(they share one)

i could go into details about the rave but its basically what you already know, lots of crappy music that somehow sounds amazing on E, light shows that make your eyes burn all the next day, lots of friendly people, massages, kandies, dancing. Just general good fun. It'd be good CLEAN fun if the drugs hadn't been involved :P

I loved it basically, made a lot of new friends, everyone was really nice (go figure) and i made Nate promise he wouldn't leave me alone for a SECOND because i didn't want to get seperated and i didn't want to get RAPED. I WAS PARANOID PEOPLE! i'm pretty sure he held my hand the entire night, even waited outside the bathroom everytime i had to pee. FREAKED OUT when i was standing behind john talking to ashely and he couldn't see me, total gentleman, in a weird way.

And yes i remembered to drink water but not TOO much water and all that. And chew gum so i didn't chew through my jaw, blah blah blah blah

so around 4:00 in the morning I was tired, Nate was tired, so we went back to the car to sleep till the rave got over (5:00) and everyone else was ready to go home (we went in a group of about 8) and after discovering as tired as we were neither of us could sleep and frankly touching still felt REALLY good we had some lovely car sex.

Went home, passed the fuck out, woke up around 9, had some morning sex. Hung around the house all day tired as fuck (mind you i'm on about 6 hours of sleep at this point) and then when it was just me and him home we went in his backyard which is GORGEOUS and had sex outside on the grass (on a towel) which was AWESOME. never had sex outside before! plus it was sunny and laying there naked just felt good.

then i drove back home

SORRY this is so long. but really i can't tell anyone else this sooooo i'm getting it all out with you :D

and i understand that you still feel obligated to tell me how terrible E is. Go for it, i know your Mum instincts must be in full gear right now!

<3

2008-05-26T23:57:00.001-07:00

i was refusing to update until i heard the sponge story

HOMELESS STORY:

so i came back up to monterey after visiting home a week ago(monday) and spent the night at tony's (the boy). The next morning i went over to boy's house where i'm supposed to be staying this summer (Kevin and Nick's). I get there and they tell me they have a meeting with Housing (they live on the houses on part of our huge campus cuz it used to be a military base, used to house the families of the marine guys) because they're possibly getting evicted. Turns out the girl who's supposed to be moving into Nick's room (i'm moving into Kevin's) put down Nick's as her current address when applying for housing next semester. Problem: people not on the lease aren't supposed to be living at the house. Neither her nor i are on that lease. If they see her (or anyone else really who doesn't live there) spending a great deal of time (let along moving their stuff in!) there then they get evicted. Until then their houes is red flagged. For "illegals". Yes, i, a white girl, am an illegal lol. SO obviously i can't stay at their house. I'm at my friend Sarah's and also Tony's a lot, spending the night there for the most part, the main problem has really just been finding stuff to do during the day.

In other news. I've fucked myself with guys. Tony and i are getting along. I think i'm in love with nate. And i don't want to be and i want to love Tony not that he's said it yet thank god but still. UUUUGGGGHHHH

2008-05-08T11:01:00.000-07:00

I've gotten checked out serveral times THANK YOU

and i have YET to have sex without a condom, birth control and all

so no worries there, i'm not a completely retarded teenager

(yes teenager, still am for less than 2 months and i'm using it while i can)

uhhh he thinks he had it because he was on a break with one of his previous gf

he hooked up with some other chick

got back together with said girlfriend and then she got HPV

and shes not the type to screw around apparently.

but yeah. i think that answers most questions?

he's never had any signs of it, no rashes or sores or anything

which i know, doesn't mean its not there

vaccine: i remember getting one in grade school that i had to take three times...

i'll look into seeing if it was indeed for HPV or something else!

loves!

<3

2008-05-07T17:18:00.001-07:00

sooooooo

things are pretty good with tony

we've definitely had a LOT of rough patches

as in about every other day we're fighting

but we're both cancers

and we're both irish

so i guess its kinda of expected

stubborn and argumentative and we don't always get along

go figure.

but lately we've been getting along

which is gooooood

and then the other night he kind of dropped a bomb

but i'm not really sure

so he told me he has HPV possibly

he's never actually been checked,

so its not a for sure thing

but (believe it or not) since we haven't had sex yet

he wanted to tell me beforehand

i've been reading up on it but medical jarble isn't my style

can you tell me just how at risk this whole thing is?

i know it can cause wart type things and really bad can cause cancer

but should we be using condoms even tho i'm on BC

or is it safe not to?

just all opinions would be appreciated

thanks

<3

2008-04-19T12:15:00.001-07:00

hahaha boy i'm talking about would be tony

the firefighter

who lives up here by me

nate lives in LA

not by me

but we still talk every once in a while

does that clear things up melyssa?

not a whole lot going on in my life

i had a blister on the bottom of my foot.

and naturally i pulled the dead skin off

and now there is an owie on my foot.

and being on your feet 8 hours for work

doesn't make it feel nice.

and no emily this isn't boss work boy

this is just work boy

although boss work boy (bobby)

yummmmm

and we still flirt a lot...just not around tony

hahahahaha

shower time and then another 8 hour shift!

<3

2008-04-12T18:48:00.000-07:00

duuuuuuuude

my life is boring.

It basically consists of work and school

the boy wanting to spend every spare second with me

friends being disgruntled i never see them

but i'm finding a good balance.

and the boy...is good.

we have our moments

but i think this one's a keeper

but then again don't i always?

lol whateve. lets hope i'm not wrong AGAIN

did i mention he's a firefighter?

mmmm firefighters...

<3

2008-04-08T00:09:00.000-07:00

so imma dumbass

cuz i was thinking you guys were a day behind us instead of ahead

so i was gonna wish emily a happy birthday a day late my time but on time your time.

instead i'm two days late your time

and a day late my time.

i suck

happy birthday anyway!

2008-04-01T05:37:00.000-07:00

sooooo basically i'm a P.I.M.P.

cuz i went on a date tonight

NOT with nate

with tony from work

who's like perfect for me.

like honestly

my sense of humor, same taste in music

he's a firefighter, he quotes hannah montana

and he played me the format on the guitar tonight and sang to me.

and when i jokingly asked if he wanted to meet my mom tomorrow he was like sure if you want me to!

just when i was getting settled in with nate...dammit..

now what?

2008-03-30T03:29:00.000-07:00

sooooo he wrote this one and told me it was about me. its labeled my muse

My Muse

You were there again today. You’re always there when i need you the most. Picking up the shattered glass that is me and putting me back together.

Weekends hit me like a truck, plowing my body so deep into the ground that my screams go unheard. Darkness closes in around me and my breath stops coming altogether. I’m lost in this abyss, six feet underground, and I close my eyes for the last time.

Then all at once, my breath comes back, my body loosens, and light hits my eyelids so hard that it hurts. I open my eyes and see you at the top of this grave i’ve dug, leaning on your shovel with a smile that defies reality. You try to hide your wings, but you can’t. I grab your hand and you lift me back up to where I belong.

I turn around and your gone; the angel in shorts and stars in her eyes. A single white feather is left in your stead. It dances around me, begging me to play with it. I take it home with me; a little piece of you that I selfishly call my own.

You’re with me now. As I write this, your feather is my quill. Your wings keep me warm and your smile opens the curtains in my mind. I can see the world clearly now as I have never seen it before. Thank you for granting me this gift that no one else could give me.

My angel in shorts.

My Muse.

there's other ones that allude to me, stuff he's talked about with me before but he won't actually say its me. OH! and a picture...he looks way more like mexican in this picture than in real life. but whateve.

let me know what you think and junk.

i write the best blogs to you guys drunk :P

goodnight!

2008-03-28T02:59:00.000-07:00

its almost 3 in the morning

as i'm sure you could guess, i'm drunk

wanna know a secret?

i like nate a lot.

and THAT scares the shit out of me.

letting myself feel for the first time in a long time

is terrifying

especially since i'm not sure he's worth it...

he wrote a really cute blog about me

want me to post it so you can read it?

aaaand maybe a picture of him so you can get an idea?

weird thing is, i think this one's a keeper

we're so abusive to each other

but at the same time no one gets us like we do.

thats SO high school and so lame

but so true.

when did i become such a sap?

<3

2008-03-18T21:47:00.000-07:00

so i've basically decided that i have colon cancer

because uh

my bowel movements?

they're not working

and when they do...

they're bloody.

like BLOODY

and i know thats gross.

but i want you to know how scared i am.

i'm also home!

and i also just had sex with nate!

which mmmm

was fantastic

and it'll happen again this weekend

i'm here till sunday.

yay!

<3

2008-03-11T23:58:00.001-07:00

in case you were wondering...

when sudaffed says

DO NOT TAKE WITH ANOTHER PRODUCT CONTAINING ANY OF THE SAME ACTIVE INGREDIENTS

it means it.

even if it is just phenylephrine.

whatever that is.

that it has in common with robitussin.

cuz um. you won't feel good afterwards

worse in fact, than you did before

oh, and taking advil?

doesn't help things

so since i haven't made a mess enough of my body already

imma take some sleeping meds

so i can sleep through my strep throat

and my inner ear fluids jiggling around.

ugh.

<3

2008-03-04T02:24:00.000-08:00

just put it on myspace but maybe you'll see it here first

Poetic Imperfections.

Your fingers dance across
the scar down my arm,
as quiet as the flutter
of bird wings and my affection.

Your lips brush against destruction
criss crossed on my legs.
Long healed, long forgotten
in the absence of my bareness.

You kiss harder, as if to repair.
Then to my lips, something sustaining.
Pull me close, grasp onto me tight.
I'm afraid sometimes of melting into the night.

Holding my hand, guide me through.
The simplest gesture combined
with the strongest one of them all.
The irony has me distracted in amusement.

It was different than usual..
More fervent. More intimate. More sincere.
I'll pretend I need something as to retreat.
So I can scoop up my armor strewn across the floor,
Stripped there with my clothes only moments before.

2008-02-24T20:03:00.001-08:00

the first of many, i'm sure

:]

i heart it.

2008-02-13T12:12:00.000-08:00

Go to dooce.com

click on the style pictures

go to the linky

watch the hedgehog eat a carrot.

SO. CUTE.

i want one

pleeeeeeaaaasssseeeee

2008-02-02T13:11:00.000-08:00

top three things

1. No i don't expect you to like nate. he's a sociopath. He's just one of the few who can tolerate my insanity so i keep him around

2. Drugs are bad.

3. there are way too many boys in my life and i love them all. Mondays and Wednesday i've decided to love mitch (i have class with him those days) tuesdays and thursdays i'll love ryan (class with him) and on the weekends i will love bobby. my manager at bubba's.

did i tell you i was working at bubba gumps? i think i did...

<3

2008-01-27T19:29:00.000-08:00

one good thing about nate

is that no matter how mad me makes me

no matter how frustrating he is

and no matter how much i wanna kill him

he's always the inspiration for some of the greatest stuff i've ever written

the latest: (you might've already seen it on the space)

so someone slice me open
can't stand this toxic venom
i'm having a hard time coping
phone vibrating in my denim
can't have his desolate words
in my blood stream anymore
erase everything i heard
wiped completely from my core
i can feel my skin crawling
from the echo of his grin
i come without him calling
he'll forever be my favorite sin

<3

2008-01-19T01:47:00.000-08:00

Cass is a friend of breea's

who is friends with a lot of my friends

who goes to monterey

and works at bubba gumps

and who i've somehow never met through all of our connections

i just met her tonight

and she's amazing lol

one of those people you feel like you've known forever

my new drinking buddy, basically

i'm back in monterey

I went to deluz in temec, dunno if you've been there

had AMAZING rebound sex with nate.

i mean

AMAZING

and i might be making a trip down to LA for a little bit more of that

I can't describe the happiness i feel being back up here

It's just so much nicer than being in SoCal with all the drama

And all the people i know and blah blah blah

I just love it up here. It feels like home :]

Melyssa!! FEEL BETTER!

And em, feel...preggers?

<3

2008-01-12T13:30:00.000-08:00

ummm

update?

but i can't really update

cuz really, I don't even really know whats going on

Eric came and lived with me

and it was good times

came back from school and...?

i dunno.

we're not together anymore apparently.

so that...sucks.

then i was gonna use nate as a rebound

which he was fine with

but then that fell through

so now i'm a little bummed

but excited from all the baby news from emily :]

<3

2007-12-31T18:08:00.000-08:00

happy new year.

even tho its already 2008 for you guys.

2007-12-11T15:22:00.001-08:00

k update on my life:

so eric's flying into LAX at 10 tonight...

and imma drive down there to pick him up..

cuz he's gonna come live with me for the next 2 ish weeks

p.s. eric's the new boy

we love each other

and umm yeah

he wants to get married

and have 17 kids

but not really

and we'll see about the marrying stuff

lol

so cross your fingers!

that we don't kill each other :D

<3

2007-12-02T23:56:00.000-08:00

So i decided to break my face.

My friend Wood was giving me a piggy back ride

he tripped

and i decided the best way to break my fall

would be with my face.

lol

i couldn't get my hands up fast enough to protect myself, i scraped up my knuckles on my right hand, hence why the right side of my face is fine and not the left.

I also managed to chip my front tooth. which sucked but whatever, getting it fixed.

Yeah yeah yeah i know i know i'm supposed be careful.

melyssa, i expect more toast :]

<3

2007-11-28T19:41:00.000-08:00

hahaha aw my poor old cousin and cousin in law? is that what i'd call you?

all the boys are after my nuts! it seems like there's a million of em of there's none at all

i've chosen eric. except he's currently living in florida.

but i've convinced him i'm worth moving back to cali for

:D

he's adorable to me.

we got into our first fight today. twas fun

and i think my heart my explode cuz i snorted an aderall. whew. guess i'm getting old too :P

I KNOW! I'M BEING CAREFUL! DON"T WORRY!

cuteness from eric for the day:

eric:
hey bri

i like you alot.

cghlovesyou:

oh. okay.

eric:

i dont like being upset with you.

cghlovesyou:

i don't like you being upset with me either

eric:
ok good.

cghlovesyou:

but hey eric?

eric:

yes maam?

cghlovesyou:

i like you a lot too

eric:
good girl

yeah i know. gag me with a spoon. I just may be a tad bit smitten.

WHICH is perfect (forgot about this part) because he's best friends with nathan

and nathan and breea are going to get married

and then we'll all be best friends together

its exciting.

nathan's the only one who doesn't know yet, but we'll convince him

and i mean who wouldn't want a wife with breea's boobs?

hope you're having fun and being safe and stuffs!

<3

2007-11-28T01:23:00.001-08:00

im debating even updating

cuz i know you two are gonna be hella busy for the next few weeks

mainly with each other :P

nothings really new here, made it back up to college in one piece

and dear jesus why is it that all the boys suddenly decided they're after my nuts?

crazies...

<3

2007-11-20T13:27:00.000-08:00

oookie dokes

so the tequila shots were totally NOT supposed to happen

it was thursday night, we had to get up at 7:30 on friday morning to drive to the airport

we were gonna stay in, go to bed early, be nice and well rested for the next day

then our friends in 123 who we love informed us they were partying that night

and we were hesitant to go, but they said they just wanted our company,

and we figured we could just be home by midnight, still a decent amount of sleep

so we go, and all is fine and well for the first 45 minutes...

until Ken decides to bust out the tequila. damn.

A handle of Jose Cuervo or however its spelled

And Lali opens her big mouth and says she's never had it before

neither have i but i'm not about to admit that

so naturally we all had to have a shot with her for her first one

...which turned into 4 more for me

tequila gets you drunker a lot faster than vodka. huh. go figure.

thus ensued yet another hilarious drunken night

didn't go to bed till 4 in the morning

stayed up talking to olivia and jesse who randomly decided he needed to stop by

they slept in my room, i kept them entertained with my drunkennesss

got excited and called jesse dude man, we sang oldies, sometimes so off key and terribly that olivia didn't believe us that they really were songs lol

it was just a fun night...until i woke up the next morning :]

the man....well he's currently under the impression that i'm an alcoholic so i'm not really sure where things are going with him buuuut

he's buff, cute, stupid nice, like we're talking why are you interested in ME of all people nice, he's an RA which is hilarious, and the first time i met him he was only wearing caution tape. yupp.

Happy Thanksgiiiiving!

<3

2007-11-17T01:38:00.000-08:00

Gots me a new phoooone

Gots me back a home...

Gots me my first shots of tequila the night before i flew home

Gots me some FUNNY stories...

Gots me a new man?

<3

2007-11-10T18:55:00.000-08:00

i broke my phone :[

and i can't get a new one for a week

at the earliest

so needless to say i'm not a happy camper

and the sprint people are all fucking morons,

and they dont even speak english.

gah.

but if you've been trying to call or text

i'm not ignoring you

i just can't reply :]

i'll keep you updated, i know you're on the edge of your seat in anticipation :P

<3

2007-11-04T01:09:00.001-07:00

you know what, screw you guys

I have a secret too. I win :D

<3

2007-10-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

OKAY! so just for the record i'm not a lil emo kid

although i know you guys would still love me if i was

i took a substitute for aderall last night

we thought it was less strong but apparently

not only does it keep you awake but depresses the HELL out of you

so no need to worry, i'm really good, just shouldn't mix drugs with alcohol :]

good luck tonight em

<3

2007-10-26T23:53:00.000-07:00

its friday night

so naturally i'm drunk

and depressed to the point where slitting my wrists sounds FANTASTIC

but i can't

cuz my friends need me

one is a homesick alcoholic/druggie

one doesn't think she exsists/slight druggie

and one weighs less than 100 lbs and thinks she's fat

they need me

but i dont need me

so i'll stay for now. hmph.

<3

2007-10-22T22:28:00.001-07:00

i feel poopy.

and i dunno why.

blah.

<3

2007-10-18T22:59:00.000-07:00

home for the weekend

got the singlet and I LOVE IT!

thanks :]

rob was the one i was refering to

ive decided i hate him

in an im-gonna-hate-you-so-you'll-love-me kinda way

yupp

:D

<3

2007-10-15T15:34:00.001-07:00

gone for a week without a word

no goodbye

no phone calls to tell me he's not dead

no contact whatsoever

a week.

and then he shows up back at school

and has NO idea what we're talking about

thinks we've lost our marbles

because apparently he was never planning on staying away

just went home for a bit.

I hate boys.

2007-10-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

he left.

he's just...gone.

no goodbye, no warning.

All his stuff is gone.

His room still smells like him

I wrap myself up in his shirt

but his smell is starting to go away.

He left.

He's just gone.

And im so very lost.

<3

2007-10-09T01:31:00.000-07:00

so just because emily posted what she did...

this past weekend i went to my friend bobby's 21st birthday party

and MAYBE had a little too much to drink...

...before i even got there :]

...and then more to drink once i got there

SO needless to say i dont remember a whole lot about the party

except there were TONS of people there

like a ridiculous amount

so anyway, as we're leaving the party my bag breaks

(its one of those mini backpacks, mine has superman on it, got it for a dollar)

and when i say breaks i mean the entire fucking bottom is ripped open

but i dont notice in my drunken stupor and it happened right as i was getting in the van

so as we get out of the van and are headed towards the dorms i feel something fall out

my camera

so i take my backpack off, swear at the damage and pull everything out

everything important's still there

camera, wallet, chapstick, lighter, etc

and i then i realize what IS missing

my ID card and key

now at this point im FURIOUS

for those who dont know (both of you :P)

i just lost the key to my dorm at a park

(sober mind you)

50 bucks to replace

had it in my back pocket, so i started carrying it in my purse

lost it AGAIN

so obviously there is NO safe place for my keys and im PISSED

go back to the van, not there, not anywhere

im livid, i JUST replaced this key

i text a few friends still at the party ask them to look for it,

blah blah blah

next day i go to berkeley with my friends for the night so i dont NEED anything

but still kinda put a damper on my mood

on the way home my friend Jessie pulls out her keys for the first time all weekend

(because we were out of town and therefore didnt need it for food or to get in anywhere)

and there attached to her keys, are my keys and ID

not tangled, ATTACHED

like in my drunken stupor

i was SO paranoid about losing them

that i managed to put the key ring

(with a cast on)

around her keys to ensure not losing them.

If thats not a responsible drunk, i dunno what is :]

<3

2007-10-04T10:27:00.000-07:00

update! even though there isnt much to update about...

yes, im definitely still texing as much and as fast as ever :]

im supposed to get the cast off on the 22nd

but im really tired of it

so imma see if i cant get it off sooner

i think i'll tell them imma be in a wedding

and try and get a soft cast

*fingers crossed*

things are better with me and cute boy down the hall

we finally talked..well, he yelled

i kinda just sat there bored

and then later that night he knocked on my door and apologized

and we kissed :]

which was very nice :]

hahaha ANYWAY

im still pretty homesick

think that like the weekend before halloween i might road trip home

right now im not doing my hw and writing on here instead

been up since 8:30 to go get breakfast with my friends

even though i dont have class till 4

so i think i might take a nap..

OH! and i saw 2 dead bodies on tuesday

went to a forensics lab

also held a dead baby skull :[

saddness

olivias looking over my shoulder lol

she's my girlfriend, by the way

not like THAT, i proposed very drunk

so now she's stuck with me

and we basically use it as an excuse when guys that are gross hit on us :P

but shes gonna wash my hair now

so i gotta go!

peace

<3

2007-09-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

as promised the pictures, not in the correct order...deal with it :]

(yes, we're very drunk in a few of these)

okay before you ask:

yes:

i did drive over the san fran bridge while it was foggy once and during sunset the other time
that kitten is adorable
that baby duck is adorable
im wearing a skirt
im angrly flipping off the ducks
there is a pussy in my pussy

No:
breea is not supposed to have the kitten
i didn't manage to kidnap her

oh, here's cast pics...

oh and this is how swollen my hand was:

:D

<3

2007-09-18T01:23:00.000-07:00

kay i lied. pictures in the next one'

YES im doing the school thing. Its just boring.

yeah you're prbably right about the dorm thing

not her kitten just lives with her but she's not technically allowed to have it so ssshhh

real reason for updating:

I BROKE MY HAND TONIGHT!

so lame. So so so so lame

and dear jesus painful.

i did it playing basketball.

at 9:30 at night

so the health center's closed.

and the hospitals a hassle. so im not going

everyone on my floor's super mad at me. hilarious.

but i'll go tomorrow. maybe

doctors just...ugh

so we'll see

i'll keep you updated

and next time: pictures!

2007-09-17T01:56:00.000-07:00

ugh there's just so much to say and i dunno how to talk about it all

rob....he's a douche i dunno

he's all like stop trying to be my girlfriend

and i'm like uhh i'm NOT thats really the last thing i need

he's just being hella sketch

so i'm kinda over it

i went and visited breea! i promise to have pictures in my next blog

she has the CUTEST kitten

i'm sitting next to korey right now

distracting him while he tries to do his homework

i'm such a kind soul :]

he's a stud. and a sweet kid. but he lets his g.f. treat him like crap.

she's a cunt. i decided. don't tell him i said so tho :]

uummm i haven't tried any drugs

everyone wants to get me high

im still iffy about all that stuff

i've been drinking a LOT

and been pretty happy about life

i know i said i had lots to talk about

but its just that most of its stories

and mostly "had to be there not as funny over the internet" stories

OH! i'll give you one thats funny no matter what tho

i'm with jessie. who's drunk. and who decided to pee in the bushes even tho we were RIGHT outside our dorms

and then proceeded to pee on the legs of her jeans on BOTH sides AND on her purse

which was really funny

anyway this group of little thug-ed boys walk by

and they think they're soooo clever shouting stuff at us like "Ay Baby!" like from that one song

shit like that

Jessie keeps trying to talk to them and i'm like noooo you don't give them the attention they want sweetie. trust me.

so finally i get fed up with it and turn around and yell "When you come up with an original line i'll be impressed!"

:]

also today on my way home from breea's some guy pulled up next to me honking and flipping me off. i probably cut him off. So i sped up and cut him off again :] when he pulled up next to me again honking and angry i smiled and waved. It was entertaining

AND we fed ducks at night (me and breea, it'll be in the pictures)

AND i went over the bay bridge as the sun set. SO pretty

OH! and i'm sick. cough and sniffles so no big. Ben (not my brother) thinks i need to stop drinking so i can get better. i tried to explain that i feel TONS better when drunk but he just didn't get it

thaaaats about it? keeping melyssa in my thoughts and prayers

<3

2007-09-10T11:54:00.000-07:00

yeeeeah this'll be a randm subjected update

whateve

umm yeah rob's not a virigy either

he just wants to wait

cuz he associates sex with booty call or girlfriend

and i don't wanna be either

sooo no sex for bri :[

he's a pussy tease. *sigh*

sooo the dance was fun

i was SUPER drunk

and SUPER happy about life

hahaha

lots of random guys danced with me

lots of random guys asked for my phone number

so i gave them ben's

i'm sure he'll appreciate it :D

this kid nate tried to kiss me

i was like noooo, but the cheek's okay :D

hahaha whateve

then a few nights ago i'm laying in bed reading my book, ipod in my ears, minding my own business

my door's propped open in case anyone wants to come visit..

and in waltzes in some kid! i don't even know! i was like uhh hi?

then he goes on to insult superman!

turns out i danced with him the night before. i just didnt remember

i was drunk!

so he got my number...still not sure how he knew what room i was in...kinda a whole lot of creepy if you ask me

he wants to take me out to dinner

i've been avoiding him. cuz he's cuuuuuute

and temptations are bad :D

see! i'm being good! tell my mom

hahaha

rob's being a douche. because when he's with the guys its "not cool" to have girls around. so lame.

he's a little druggie too. and he deals sometimes. my parents would be so proud

hahaha whateve. i'm happy. for the most part

GYM!! i must go!

<3

2007-09-07T13:24:00.001-07:00

betty-
what the hell?!? how do they KNOW these things?!? oh well. i guess it's not the end of the world. blah. i quit smoking so they can bite me...update on bri's life? lets.

sooo the college life is entertaining.

i've been very drunk

tried to seduce rob while incredibly drunk

had him have immense self control and say no cuz i was drunk

i think he's a keeper

i've tried aderale. and LOVED it

and also chewed the fuck out of my tongue

in an attempt not to talk so fucking much

lol

san fran kinda sucked cuz we were hung over and tired

but whateve

rob and i are now "seeing each other"

and we fight every night

which would be fine if we had make up sex afterwards

but he wants to wait until we're ready..or some shit

he's a hopeless romantic

and i'm well...not

:D

going to a dance tonight

aaaaand yeah...i think thats my life in a nut shell

<3

2007-09-01T11:19:00.000-07:00

heeeeey! so i've officially made it through my first week of college!

aaand i've only drank twice

and only been drunk once

dunno if you should be proud or disappointed lol

soooo there's a cute boy who lives on my floor

his name is rob

aaaand he's a fantastic kisser :D

my roomie's pretty chill, she's gone for the weekend

not a real partier which kinda sucks but whateve

i usually just go with the girls who live next door

went down to the beach the past 2 nights cuz i'm that close!

we were gonna watch the meteor shower cuz i've never seen a shooting star

but then the fog rolled in

sooo that wasn't gonna work

today we're driving to san fran, gonna be there for the night and then come back

aaaand i think thats about it! :D

<3

2007-08-23T02:38:00.000-07:00

took you two long enough to figure out i'd updated....

i don't have much interesting going on in my life

i'm about to leave for college day after next

life's kinda stopped to wait for that

i'm DETERMINED not to gain freshmen 15

in fact imma try and lose it instead

my roomie's name is brianna. i know. hilarious.

she seems pretty nice tho

and uh... thats about it

i'm boring

:D

<3

2007-07-01T01:37:00.000-07:00

this one's for melyssa

over the last 2 years i have gotten to know someone

at first her name was andromeda

now its melyssa

and while the transition between the two was...awkward..and maybe a little painful

i'm glad to say i've met melyssa.

she's a beautiful individual

she loves emily

emily loves her

thats enough for me to get over past mistakes

i'm honored to say i know her

and i welcome her with open arms into our family

welcome home <3

(double meaning..cuz i'm pretty sure that by the time you read this you'll be back in aussie :P )

<3

2007-02-11T23:54:00.000-08:00

this is gonna take a while to explain

lots of fucking drama

mark and i are over

temporarily?

everyone and their mother found out

which makes things...

interesting..

but its all good

strangely enough

i dunno

he's supposedly leaving her

but we all know how that goes

so if it happens, fuck yeah

if not, not suprised

i'm officially going to monterey bay

not sure if i've shared that

i got really sick, and got over it

and now i've got it again

but less sick

i've got a new best friend

nick

he's marks best friend too

he's going thru a divorce

and he's suicidal

so hands off! i've been told multiple times

plus you know, mark's best friend and all

even tho nick's pissed at him

mark and i haven't been on such good terms lately

he's kinda being a douche

so nick's off limits

now common sense people

tell me i can't have something...

ugh.

and he really DOESN'T need that

you know

doesnt exactly need the hurricane of destruction that is me in his life

as his friend

sure

otherwise?

he doesn't need it

so im trying really hard to be good

and kinda succeeding...?

ugh. im dumb

im going on a road trip next weekend

leaving thursday night

hopefully gonna be very drunk a lot

*crosses fingers*

and im seeing breea

life couldn't get better

so why am i so damn depressed?

<3

2007-02-04T15:34:00.000-08:00

hey! um so i dyed my hair!

and it looks fantastic

wanna see?

ok good

so first me with all the gooey junk in my hair:

everything washed out and combed (still wet):

for color's sake:

end result when it's straightened and looking all cute:

mmmm...im in love

its not as dark as it looks in the pictures, its just slightly darker than medium brown. i love it!

<3

2007-01-21T21:41:00.000-08:00

so jk on that last post

sorry i got all emo on the end there

things are.. acceptable

i dunno, its weird, im really happy with mark and life is great...

...but then when im not with him i remember things like hey! he has a wife! and she's a bitch! and she'll fucking kill me if she finds out!

ugh.

so i dunno.. things are mostly good i guess

but i gots a sore throat

blah

whateve

thats about all thats new...

not very exciting..sorry..

love love love

<3

2007-01-15T23:46:00.000-08:00

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!

so um.

yeah.

ok. lets start at the beginning of tonights drama.

so i hung out with mark around from like 1:30-3:30 and was late to play pratice that started at 3. whateve. i don't care

everything is fine until around 9

then i decide to go get dinner and rainie says she'll go with me

so we jump into my car and head for jack in the box

and all the way there i discover that she indeed does know who mark is

because mark told his best friend chris, who told his girlfriend brooke who told rainie.

fuck.

so i talk to mark later on and tell him.

blah blah blah.

turns out chris didn't really tell brooke, rainie dooped us.

which is my fault.

fuck.

so whateve.

and then i call chris to just talk to him about the whole me and mark thing just go get his opinion.

which turns into a guilt trip.

and now i feel like shit.

but he said to follow my heart.

fuck that.

im going to end up turning mark's world upside down

and fucking a lot of people over.

and im not worth that.

i think im gonna have to end things.

which, im not going to lie, just typing that makes my heart break.

and starts the fucking tears flowing again.

fuck.

how do i get myself into these messes?

2007-01-09T01:14:00.000-08:00

as promised, an update because, i did indeed, receive "the phone call"

but first im just gunna fill you in on life

oh and fyi i havent gotten a decent night's rest since tuesday night, apparently that would be a crime. bastards.

i belive we left off on wednesday?

WEDNESDAY

-went to bed at 5 that morning, woke up at 8 from a phone call from my dad. he found my cigs. shit. totally lied and got out of it, and actually ended up making HIM feel guilty about it. yup. im that good first thing in the morning. then i couldn't fall back asleep. lamesauces.

-had rehearsal at noon, it was a 12 hour rehearsal. everyone wanted to talk about the night before, i wanted to curl up into a ball and sleep. played apples to apples which is the best. game. ever. i totally won. multiple times. yessss

-around 7 i completely lost my shit and became an absolute emotional wreck. sat in my car for the hour and a half break and cried and drove around aimlessly and smoked 3 cigs. and burnt my hand. ouch.

THURSDAY

-breea spent the night and we egged cars. stayed up late, had lots of fun, giggled entirely too much and took adorable pictures. we're so terribly clever. OH and not really egged cars, we had post-it notes that said egg on them that we put on cars. we hit chris, carly, joseph, aj and mark.

Friday

-mock trial in riverside. boring.

-hung out with mark. just layed on the floor of an office building talking and cuddling. wonderful.

-went to a sleepover. with a bunch of girls from the cast. we attempted a prank on the boys that we failed miserably. MISERABLY. but it was fun. and i got to see mark AND ryan! woo...

-went back to the house after invading the boys apartment, after 2 of my friends left it was me, sarah(mark's sister whom i get along with), laura (mark's wife who basically hates me although to her knowledge she had no reason to), amanda(who likes ryan) and katie. and it became attack bri. and i was not pleased. good thing i got tough skin

-laura proceeded to bitch me out for talking to her husband so much, rightfully so until she went off on a tangent about how she thinks any woman who talks on the phone is trying to steal her husband. which you know, i already have but whateve, she doesn't know that and i didn't exactly plan it, its not like i intended for all this to happen.

-then laura asked what was going on between me and ryan. right. in. front. of. amanda. swear to god if i had a gun i woulda shot her right then and there. i said i didn't know and that we were just really good friends. laura said she just wanted to see all of her boys married off. to which i snorted and replied then you've got the wrong gal cuz im never getting married. which then proceeded to everyone but sarah telling me how wrong it is that i don't want to get married. like its my fucking duty or something. but at that point it was about 3 in the morning and the filter that keeps all the bitchy things i think from coming out of my mouth was long gone so i kept my mouth shut and didn't tell her that i didn't want to get married just to have it fail like hers did.

-she went to bed and things got better. jeff, sarahs hubby joined us and him, amanda, katie and i all stayed up and watched the sunrise around 7. sarah fell asleep tho. it was good times.

SATURDAY

-ajs suprise birthday party, he was suprised, it was mostly good times

-until mike and i got into a huge fight. after i leave for college im basically severing all ties and he's not so happy about it. he takes it personally and its not just him, im doing it with everyone. and its not like i wont talk to him once in a while, just not every night like i do now. lots of yelling, lots of tears, lots of no beuno, so i left the party early

SUNDAY

- practice at 5, nothing eventful, got my picture taken

-left practice early to go to a movie shoot for a film im gunna be in. nothing like huge, its and independent WAY low budget. but the guy making it is a good friend of mine and he's friggin brilliant. i'm excited. i get to be a bum. and im damn cute as one if i do say so myself

-shit hit the fan because amanda FINALLY found out about me and ryan. and she was all upset. but i pretended to care and now things are better between us. woo.

MONDAY

-this is entirely too long, im sorry

- first day back at school, blah blah blah, major suckfest

-practice tonight, saw mark *sigh of happiness* oh, and ryan was there too. whateve

-the phone call: what you've been waiting for i know. his plan is to start working his ass off. save money, get a place of his own, move out. come visit me at college whenever he can, pay to have me come down and visit, whatever. i love him. so goddamn much. the best part? when he leaves his current situation, he doesn't want to involve me, at all. won't bring me into it, not going to drag me through it too. and the weird thing is i want to, i want to stand by his side and take all the crap he's going to get. but if people knew that there was more to it, that i was involved, then it'd just make things messier. so i guess its better. but hot damn is he wonderful for wanting to protect me. i love him. so much. and it terrifies me. and i love it.

so thats my life! yay! lemme know if you want more details on any of this, i kinda skimmed over things to keep it as short as possible

<3

2007-01-03T04:41:00.000-08:00

another new update so soon? fucking amazing!

i know right?

so the reason for this is because tonight has been way fucking eventful and i wanna remember as much of it as i can. shit went down!

stuff that happened. again with the lists cuz its easier.

1.erika's parents were out of town=party!

2.not all people who showed up were informed we were there to get smashed and were quite uncomforable

3. banna had about the equivilent of 1 and a half glasses of vodka mixed into drinks and such (when i say glasses i mean those plastic red cups)

4. all the other kids who did not have NEARLY as much as me totally could not hold their shit together like holy shit. fucking ridiculous

5. rainie, aj, mychal, erika, jill, nikki and jen all cried to me at some point during the night

6. i took better care of the drunk people than the sober people did while i was somewhere between drunk and buzzed. prolly more towards the drunk side

7. before the night went down the shitter mark stopped by on his way home. and we had a fantastic conversation about how "i love you. and for the first time i can actually feel the love, like inside my heart, making it feel all overgrown, in a good way. and how when i usually say it i mean it and all but its like im actually letting myself feel the love. i fucking love you...do you know how GOOD it feels to say that?!?" yeah. im fucking corny when im drunk. and yes, i even admitted that too. so now that i've totally just let the fucking gushy dam break, we shared some amazing kisses in his car. mmmm

8. rainie and mychal exchanged multiple kisses. problem? mychal's dating erika. oh, and erika is rain's best friend. and they also did it right in front of her. yup.

9. mychal lost his shit broke down crying was inconsolable and couldn't walk so we kept him in erika's room trying to calm him down while erika tried to hold her shit together enough to take care of him. she wasn't drinking, i feel awful for her, she had the worst night ever.

10. i took rain skinny dipping hoping the water would sober her up a bit and it also got her out of erika's hair and provided entertainment for the boys. whatever.

11. mychal wanted to talk to me so i went up and tried to calm him down. he was shaking all over and he was bawling. said he didn't feel good and he hated feeling like this (drunk) i kept making him take deep breaths and put blankets on him to keep him warm and a cold wash cloth on his head because it was burning up even tho he kept saying he was cold. i brought up funny memories which calmed him down a lot

12. aj and i got into it. after helping mychal i came downstairs and said to him this kids should not be drinking. they can't hold their liquor and they're totally losing their shit. his response? like you have any room to talk. umm last i checked i wasn't making out with my best friends boyfriend, i can still walk in a straight line and im not upstairs sobbing hysterically. i think im a bit better off

13. after one of my coworkers got dragged into the mess i basically bitched everyone out at the party except erika because she really did nothing wrong and i left around 11:30 (party started at 5)

14. went to visit coworkers and gave them the 411 on what happened

15. went home, talked online for a bit got invited to go out with coworkers because they'd just been with very drunk rainie whom one of them(andrew) was mad at so i snuck out and they came and picked me up around 2

16. we just sat in kevin's truck and talked until 4:30. kevin trying to get me to have sex with him the entire time. funny cuz andrew doesn't know we have sex. waited till we dropped andrew back off at his car and then we went at it. best with him yet. definate score

17. its now 5 in the morning. i have to spend a 12 hour rehearsal with all the people i was with tonight basically. this is gonna suck. fuck this shit

18. im in a suprisingly good mood.. wtf?

<3

2007-01-01T02:20:00.000-08:00

new years resolution my ass

i don't reallly have any this year..

meh.

so things are... fantastic. ha. no other way to describe them lately. im ridiculously head over heels in love. but i. unlike betty. will not gush. just know im increadably happy when im with him and im stopping there. no gushy. promise.

sooo update on banna's life (in list form just for betty)

1.been seeing mark about everyday. i love him. oh shit did i already mention that? my bad, just making sure you get the picture

2. got PLASTERED on friday night. PLASTERED. got up to 8 shots of vodka that i remember and apparently i had a shot of tequila somewhere down the line too? i dont really remember it...best part, absolutely NO hangover the next morning, went to bed around 5 got up at 9 perfectly fine and perfectly sober. gotta love irish blood.

3. left a really embarrassing voice mail on marks phone that goes on for (no joke) 3 minutes. me telling him i love him SO MUCH and i just don't know what i'd do without him. shit. was kinda hoping i'd not be so lame. but on the plus side he thought it was cute. said it made him smile that i was so passionate about it. sorry, the gushing is leaking again.

4.called ryan (mark's best friend whom i'm dating) 5 to 6 times informing him that i was. in fact. very very drunk. in fact i told him so many times that after the 5th time he got out a piece of paper and made a tally mark for everytime i told him. total score? 28. and each phone call lasted about 2 minutes. thats roughly me telling him i was drunk 3 times every minute. yup.

5.made many MANY other drunken phone calls. anyone else seeing a pattern here? i think we should take my phone away from me...yes? at least i kept my clothes on.

6. amazing sex saturday night. in a office building, part of the time on the desk where he works. come on now, i don't care if that's tmi, thats hot and you know it. and it was fantastic. only downfall would be the rugburns..

7. party at my house on new years wasn't a total bust, actually enjoyed myself a lot, got lots of kisses on new years. although none from the one person i really wanted one from but hey, thats what happens when you fall in love with a married man. you learn to deal with shit. he said he'd rather be kissing me so thats enough for me. agh the gushing..i apologize

8. i love him. and i kinda hate that i do. but at the same time...i wouldn't trade it for the world...does that make me crazy?

9. speaking of crazy i talked to mikhail. while drunk, of course. and then again while sober to clarify what we talked about when i was drunk. apparently i told him i was afraid i was crazy too. super. was actually a good conversation until he started talking about wanting to get back together. again. then it went down hill...go figure. ended with him bitterly hanging up and me sighing in frusteration. and yet.. i really just don't give a shit.

10. uhh.. i love betty. cuz um.. i can't think of anything else new with me but i feel like making the list a clean ten. yeah. im OCD too, i shoulda warned you

happy new years. here's to 2007, hopefully another kickass crazy year. i can't wait

<3

2006-12-18T18:53:00.000-08:00

holy shit im actually blogging!!

ok so i dont remember where i left off in my life and im too lazy to go back and look so i'll just give a general overview

im dating this guy named ryan. real name, no joke. he's pretty wonderful, he's funny, he's smart, he's good looking, he has facial hair(which apparently is a trend), and he likes me. oh, and he's a fantastic kisser.

mark you ask? mark recently told me he loved me while intoxicated. it'd been a bad night. and uhh.. well i didn't take it seriously. he was drunk! but as it turns out..he meant it. and when i said it back? well maybe i wasn't just humoring a drunk..maybe i meant it too.

oh and ryan? yeah he just happens to be mark's best friend. yup.

aren't i just the bestest? and mark's still married..and jesus christ i dont know how i get myself into these messes

so the solution to this problem.. yeah.. i have no fucking idea either

so far the only thing we've come up with is run away to canada. prolly gunna happen this summer..and hey, seems like canada is the popular place nowadays :)

and until then? we'll just keep lying our asses off to everyone we know and keep making excuses to sneak away and see each other.

in other news..the play i was in made CETA again..cool shit. don't feel like explaining it, it just means basically that our show kicked ass and took names

i have massive senioritous. i want out. NOW.

the christmas season has me massively depressed. fuck christmas. it sucks. it's a load of shit..and im really tired of christmas songs. call me scrooge, but without the good message at the end

2006-12-03T19:36:00.000-08:00

i didn't die, i promise, im just really busy... and really tired

i'll update more when im not so dead

<3

2006-11-04T21:23:00.000-08:00

this will be a post about bri having too much fun with her camera

i looked good today so i took some pictures, and i just love you enough that i'll post them here for you. enjoy.

catch me if you can

attention on me

what are you looking at?

s'cuse me?

birds eye view

basketball star

suck it in

<3

2006-11-02T16:13:00.000-08:00

-halloween-

so btw my format doesn't have a section where i can put a title... wtf is up with that?

ok halloween, so i know i promised pictures but i just uploaded them i realized i dont HAVE any pictures of me in my costume, just didnt really think about it.. whoops! and the ones that are full body shots are on my phone and.. umm.. they're not decent for the world wide web to see! but i do have this one...

to explain why it looks weird first, my friend was butcher fun barbie and she had a box with plastic on the front, hense the weird glare thing going on and why i have a butcher knife in my right hand :D

its not quite full body but the rest of the way down is just fishnets and some kick ass shoes that were once betty's (thanks btw) they had these wicket heels on them, thick heels of course and were kind of boot like.. i enjoyed them.

and another halloween favorite.. yes these are the kind of people i hang out with..

oh and that jacket im wearing.. yeah that'd be the old loves.. no thats not him in the picture although the hottie on the right is his brother

anyway, halloween was fun, trick or treated, watched scary movies, yadda yadda yadda

oh, and while dressed in the tiny little dress with the fish nets, which btw had lace at the tops because they were thigh highs, i stopped by mark's house because i forgot something last time i was there on "accident" and.. well lets just say he enjoyed the outfit.. no worries, only kissing and slight groping has occurred..so far :D

speaking of mark we've been talking every day either via text or phone.. he just got texting and those pictures on my phone.. guess who i took them for.. the convos are getting increasingly more sexual and its getting increasingly hard not to just rip his clothes off every time i see him... damn.

and the old love.. well i chickened out with him, i told him i was going to leave him a note in his jacket and i didnt because im a wimp.. and he wasn't home when i was there on halloween and he called his sister to make sure he got his jacket back, he said it was important.. prolly reading too much into it but then i got an email saying there was no note.. fuck. i haven't written him back yet but i will.. i just don't know what to say. do i tell him i still love him? do i tell him he'll always be my what if? or do i just making something meaningless..i really dont know.

oh and hamlet's to be or not to be monolouge? you were right bettey, fucking brilliant, im just as confused as he was although not in the want to kill myself kind of way

<3

2006-10-30T20:37:00.000-08:00

last night...

was way too much fun

taking a leaf outta betty's book because i enjoy lists too

-went to a party

-got a nice buzz

-flirted with the old love, 'teve

-smoked way too many cigs

-smoked me some hooka

-laughed harder than i have in a long time

-got home to an adorable IM

-had a conversation till 2 in the morning with the old love

-rekindled the old love...?

-definatly got really confused

-definatly had a good time. giggity giggity

2006-10-27T23:15:00.000-07:00

decided to stop being a slacker and actually update *grimace*

these past few days have been a tinch stressful. AP classes up the wazoo. gross.

We're reading Hamlet in English and im actually enjoying it

i kicked ASS in my gov't debate today. One classmate actually called it a blood bath. yup.

i actually passed a pre-calc quiz. FUCKING. MIRACLE.

and i had to suffer through yet another intolerable pep rally.

and i saw mark. *sigh* he's so wonderful. i just want grab his face and kiss him all passionatly like they do in the movies. and then i turn around theres his wife! WHOOPS! just kidding.

skylar WONT STOP TEXTING ME. and then he called today and when i didnt answer he left a voicemail saying hey i thought we were still gunna be friends but you're not replying to my texts or picking up the phone so i guess you dont want to. No. really? see i was just ignoring you because i WANT you to keep calling and texting and bugging the crap out of me. and then he said he'd just keep trying to call. great. awesome. super.

been talking to brad more. looks like a promising friendship, hopefull something more!

went and saw Chapparel's production of the diary of anne frank..it was..interesting. ok, lets face it, compared to ours, it was liquid shit. but it surpassed my expectations of it being liquid shit on its own and was more like a nice long piss. lovely analogies eh?

tomorrow i have practice, audtions and then god only knows. sunday im hopefully getting drunk *crosses fingers*

thats an update of my life. no time to really go into detail about anything, nothing really that exciting to go into detail about!

take care everyone!

<3

2006-10-23T20:59:00.000-07:00

so this weekend was SUPPOSED to amazing.

and really, up until around 12 on friday night/saturday morning, it was :)

i'll just list this as pro's an con's cuz i dont feel like going chronologically

pros:

friday: (yes i realize im contradicting myself slightly by going in order. shut up.)

made out with extremely hot guy we'll call mark

had half of a really good dinner

tried 3 new drinks

drove my daddys new G6 (its a beautiful thing)

hung out with a lot of really good friends

saturday:

got paid

did some more flirting with mark

had a cig

got one of the guys in the show i was working to put in a good word for me with his very attractive very single son (yes there is a reason there are two boys, just wait for the explaination) who we'll call brad

had entirely too much fun with the guy we'll call jake on the catwalk, he's just there to be useful, no emotions, lots of fun.

went to a party

had another cig

had a bit too much fun

when i was too tired to stay awake anymore i WAS going to go home but chris convinced me to take him for a ride in the car because, after all, it is a BEAUTIFUL thing and after going down the 74 once to make sure it was all clear we headed back up it at around 120 mph

left a ridiculous voicemail when i got home (because i was still having too much fun apparently) on marks phone

found out that a friend cared a lot more than i thought he did and was quite touched

went to sleep

sunday

hit up disney land, blew my entire paycheck on a pass and had fun, cuz it was fucking disneyland. what do you expect? i wont go into detail, we all know what disneyland entails

mark called about the voicemail i left concerned because i sounded upset. no sweetie, you mistook drunk for upset. had a wonderful conversation involving more flirting and possible hanging out BEFORE the next time im supposed to see him on friday. he's amazing. like so amazing he needs to get over the other obsticles of life and love me.
now for the cons

friday:

not really relating to friday but to life in general: mark is married. yeah, that'd be one of those obsticles. but he's not happy in the marriage.. but maybe he's lying. ick. he got married WAY too soon in life (he's 22 and they've been married 3 years) and he agrees. keep your fringers crossed for the home wrecker here people

at chilies the ex, we'll call mikhail cuz i dont care about changing his name decided to show up drunk, bring his very own beer after driving there and spill it all over the other half of my really good dinner on purpose and all over my jeans. ass. but it was kinda ok cuz afterwards many people were mad at him so yay. except i really didnt give a shit. that he did it thats

i didnt have any cigs with me to smoke on the way home

a scratch magically appeared on my dads car that I SWEAR I DIDNT DO and that he doesnt really blame me for but gives me crap for anyway. jerk.

saturday:

another ex, skylar, was in town from san jose and wanted to hang out, and by hang out he meant fuck which i wasnt interested in because i didnt want to because of censored reasons and because dear god the boy is obsessive.

the most recent ex, john, wanted to talk because things were awkward between us. well duh. we broke up. moron. things are gunna be awkard, not to mention that they were awkward while we were together because you hadn't been with anyone in 3 years and it showed. too much. and you were weird. and obsessive (anyone notcing a trend?) and even after we broke up and you started dating jill you are STILL obsessive. yeah, its awkward.

i didnt get nearly drunk enough because i had to drive home

sunday:

got woken up at 7:30 in the fucking morning by my mother who apparently hates me.

the rest of the day was pretty rad for me, not so much for rainie but its all ok now so its not even worth mentioning

i didnt do any of my homework, which is a pro for the weekend but was a con today

yay for first posts!